Last weekend, I was texting with my son in Italy using a Korean-based app, Kakao.
We moved through our pixelated conversation to the topic of communication and relationships. He reaffirmed his belief in the importance of communication. Then, something popped out of my keyboard that truly surprised me. It's so obvious now.
"We can't possibly be 100% effective when we are 100% unique."
Looking back, it seems as if maybe all the speakers, coaches, teachers and preachers I've heard talk about communication assume people can at some point completely understand each other. I don't think that's possible.
How can we say we understand another person completely when so often we don't understand ourselves?
My husband and I both discovered our assumptions were off near our third anniversary. I had my assumptions. He had his. We made decisions based on those misinterpreted signals. More than 25 years later, we keep asking if we got the message the other meant to send. Still, asking really helps.
The risks are high if we don't slow down. Estrangement from children, lawsuits from customers, bad relationships with neighbors, missed connection, missed priceless moments, missed moments of understanding another soul and being understood.
Did I really understand? How can I communicate what is needed? Will the other party want to know? If he or she doesn't, is the effort still valuable?
So far in my experience, asking these kinds of questions has led me to relief, enlightenment and even joy. I've learned over time that I am usually believing things the other thinks worse of me than reality reveals.
Ask. And if you find yourself surprised, I would love to hear about it.
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