No Comprendo

Pastor Lee Berger serves in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico

For certain in America, and maybe everywhere, I believe people are conditioned to the silent assumption that we can fully understand another person.

Looking back with 20/20 now, memory says the coaches, teachers and preachers I heard spoke as if people can grow to maybe completely understand the other. 

I don't think it is possible to fully understand anyone at any point in time. There may be an agreement, but never full understanding.

The above snapshot was taken in 2008 by a member of Crossing Borders, a unique Christian mission trip program that allows even blind men or whole families to participate together. They prepare a couple days with skit training, culture training, and making supplies. Every year, the trip is different. This trip, Crossing Borders identified a family living in a shack among hundreds of other shacks in a barrio with no running water or power outside Nuevo Laredo, Mexico with two disabled children. The interior was ... well, a shack is a shack. You could see through the walls.

Missionaries changing lives.

Pastor Lee Berger lead the team, who painted the interior pink and added bunk beds to provide real beds and space. The family spoke local Spanish, very few of the missionaries spoke the same.

Both givers and receivers recognized the challenges: Language, awkwardness, fatigue, heat, hunger, joy, playfulness and maybe even fear. But, both sides would be aware they come from different worlds and would be more patient.

If I live with someone, it would be easy to assume I understand his intentions, his English, his gestures. But, I've learned something.

My communication skills don't include mind-reading. 

Children changed, reached another developmental milestone, and I didn't realize it until after an argument. Their skills became more refined, but I would keep doing the task for them, without asking or too busy to notice it was time to let go. Or maybe I make the mistake of assuming the second or third child would have the same way of communicating as the oldest.

We need to ask more often. We don't ask if our understanding, our perception of what someone else is saying in words or deeds, is correct.

We need to listen. Ask. Listen again.
And ... maybe even ask again. At least I do.

Good Hair Day

More than ten years ago, I cut my hair off ... boy short. Illness rendered me too weak to hold up a blowdryer over my head in addition to a shower, combing and adding product.

Thankfully, wellbeing returned gradually the past decade; and today was a good hair day. I got to visit Natalia, a creative of the sweetest kind. She doesn't just cut hair, she soothes the soul.

Placing my hair into her capable hands, I relax into a nice chunk of carefree time getting the best treatment in town. Each visit, she surprises me with something different. Last time, purple highlights. This time, she tapered the color from linen blonde on top to chestnut blonde on the bottom. She also cut it slightly differently to lighten up the shape. I love it.

She respects the freedom I gladly give. I let her do whatever she wants!  It's only hair. It grows out. It can be redone, but so far, she creates a winner every time.

Last time, she got excited about a fashion runway show. Grabbing her cell phone, she showed me the Pinterest photographs she favorited. The models' gowns, how they were colored with multiple hues that blended into each changing from the top of the gowns moving down to the hemline. She thinks it would be amazing to put those colors on hair. She got so excited she glowed. We had fun.

This time we talked about the urban dictionary and new slang words like "nesterday" and "herb." We looked them up; so, if you want to know, you have to, too.

As always, she is a delight. People who serve us can be a delight, and we need to let them know. I tip her generously because she deserves it. And, to be honest, I want to keep her!

Natalia loves bargain-hunting vintage clothes, the color blue and a drink at Starbucks named "flat-something". I will be bringing her one of those little coffees with me next time I come calling.

She cares. I appreciate Natalia a lot and, yes, I enjoy her enjoyment of her art.  Already, I can't wait for next time. She practices hair styling and design at Fantastic Sam's. But, she would be worth her salt at any high-end salon. I'm so lucky she practices on me.

It Takes Practice

How can we say we understand another person completely 

when so often we don't understand ourselves?

It takes practice to know why we do what we do. 

So, maybe it takes practice to know another, too.